.... are closing in on me. I am here sitting in out breezy apartment alone. Tim is at work tonight on duty and Kalea is sleeping. I think I have tried really hard to not reflect on my feelings this evening. Probably because I am feeling one billion of them all at once.
As I think about 2012 it seems like a blur. It seems like it was over so fast and it drug on at the same time. It started with our move from SC to Maine. The first few months it rained and rained and I fought depression every day. Then it let up and before I knew it Kalea was turning 1 year old. Her Birthday felt like a victory for our little family. I am so thankful for her. Watching her grow this year has been so rewarding and amazing. She has learned so many new things. I am so proud of what an amazing little girl she already is. I started this year with a baby and I am ending with a toddler. I have got to have all those amazing moments with her I always dreamed of having. Watching her take her first steps, learning to eat table foods and sleeping in her own room.
I feel like I finally settled into being a stay at home mom. Some days get boring but most days I am perfectly content being at home with her all day.
I have had mixed emotions about living here in New England. Some days it's so wonderful and I love it and other days I feel like I am in a different country. I guess I am just a west coast girl at heart;) I have missed being near my family so much. Life seems to be speeding up and I just want to be close to those that I love so much. I have made some amazing friends up here though and I am so blessed to have been in the Somersworth ward. It has been a testimony building place for me and I am so grateful that they have helped bring the spirit back into our lives as a stronger force. I have felt that this is truly where we were supposed to be.
Looking ahead at the moment our future is uncertain. We are still waiting to hear from out dream job. Deep down I am terrified and ok all at once. On one hand I know that the Lord has never let us down. We are always taken care of and everything works out. On the other hand I obviously have my own plan wich for once I would like to see play out.
We will see I guess what 2013 holds. I am hoping to find some clarity soon and attack this coming year full force.
As for resolutions..... well I don't like making those..... but.....
I guess my hopes and dreams for this year are:
*To get my photography business up, running, and successful.
*To get healthy somehow...
*To decide wether or not to add another baby to the family
*To finally settle and not have half of our stuff in boxes
*To de-clutter and simplify
*To start building a food storage
*To start on genealogy
*To be closer to family
*To be a better friend
*To be a better mom and wife
We will see how bad I suck at all those at the end of the year!! LOL
Goodbye 2012!!!
Monday, December 31, 2012
Week 39-52
Week 39 {Wildcard}
Week 40 {Lifestyle}
Week 41 {Evoke}
Week 42 {Up-close and personal}
Week 43 {Hometown}
Week 44 {Black and White}
Week 45 {Hot and Cold}
Week 46 {Something old, something new}
Week 47 {Out and about}
Week 48 {Thankful}
Week 49 {Traditions}
Week 50 {Indoors}
Week 51 {Red and Gold}
Week 52 {Celebrate}
Thursday, October 25, 2012
lately...
I have been totally sucking at blogging. Probably because I feel like no one even reads it anymore now that I don't have fertility drama. What can I say my life is boring now!! LOL
So anyways since I print my blog out to keep as a journal I better write a few things down;)
Last week awesome things happened.
#1 Kalea started to walk!!!
Yes she finally decided it was time to join her peers and get he cute behind off the floor!! She still looks like a new born deer BUT she is improving every day and it is so fun to watch her;)
#2 She started saying "What's that?" Every ten seconds. ;)
It's seriously so cute. I don't think she really knows what she means BUT it's so fun to watch her put a phrase together and she gets so excited about it. Sooo cute;) So now she says mama, dada, bubbles, belly button, and What's that!
#3 She is now officially in 18 month size clothes.
I still have to sew the waist bands on her pants because she is so skinny BUT she is fitting them perfect in length. My tall skinny beauty.
#4 My family came to visit!
It was a seriously wonderful trip. There was no drama, no meltdowns, no wanting to kill each other. We had fun playing games and touring them around New England. Although technically we are still tourists as well. We pretended to know about the area;) Thank goodness for our local friends and their tips, and for GPS!! I was so happy that they got to see how big Kalea is now.
I will include pics ;)
So we went to our ward Halloween party last night. We dressed as fisherman and Kalea was a Lobster. LOL It was so cute and everyone loved out costumes. I thought it was quite fitting seeing how we are in Maine;)
The weather is really starting to turn. The trees are bare and it look like we will get the first snow storm next week. EEEEKKKK I am so not excited about it. I hate being cold.
We are still on the job hunt and have had a few disappointing rejections but hopefully something good will come our way and we can finally settle down close to family. Praying really hard we get a job on the west coast.
Anyways on to the pics!!!
So anyways since I print my blog out to keep as a journal I better write a few things down;)
Last week awesome things happened.
#1 Kalea started to walk!!!
Yes she finally decided it was time to join her peers and get he cute behind off the floor!! She still looks like a new born deer BUT she is improving every day and it is so fun to watch her;)
#2 She started saying "What's that?" Every ten seconds. ;)
It's seriously so cute. I don't think she really knows what she means BUT it's so fun to watch her put a phrase together and she gets so excited about it. Sooo cute;) So now she says mama, dada, bubbles, belly button, and What's that!
#3 She is now officially in 18 month size clothes.
I still have to sew the waist bands on her pants because she is so skinny BUT she is fitting them perfect in length. My tall skinny beauty.
#4 My family came to visit!
It was a seriously wonderful trip. There was no drama, no meltdowns, no wanting to kill each other. We had fun playing games and touring them around New England. Although technically we are still tourists as well. We pretended to know about the area;) Thank goodness for our local friends and their tips, and for GPS!! I was so happy that they got to see how big Kalea is now.
I will include pics ;)
So we went to our ward Halloween party last night. We dressed as fisherman and Kalea was a Lobster. LOL It was so cute and everyone loved out costumes. I thought it was quite fitting seeing how we are in Maine;)
The weather is really starting to turn. The trees are bare and it look like we will get the first snow storm next week. EEEEKKKK I am so not excited about it. I hate being cold.
We are still on the job hunt and have had a few disappointing rejections but hopefully something good will come our way and we can finally settle down close to family. Praying really hard we get a job on the west coast.
Anyways on to the pics!!!
Sunday, October 14, 2012
The weirdest Sunday ever.
I had to write this experience down before I forget it.
Today I was assigned to speak in sacrament regarding the young womens program. I was nervous but also confident at what I felt was a pretty simple subject. My family is in town so I was excited to speak in front of them and hopefully make them proud.
The other woman who is the second counselor in the YW presidency went before me and gave an eloquent well written talk. I was worried that my discombobulated notes would lead to a less than desirable talk. I started to speak and felt the spirit of the Lord strongly immediately. I gave my talk and went with what I felt the Lord had wanted me to say. I sat down satisfied that I said something that was genuine and from my heart.
At the end of church I found out that during our earlier meeting there were two men that no one knew who entered the chapel while I was speaking. They were both wearing hoodies and pajamas and walked in and then split up. They then deliberately walked up to the front of the room with staunch and serious looks on their face and sat in the second row on both sides. They did not seem friendly and they did not seem like they were there to worship. One man crossed himself and left quickly. The other man stayed about 5 minutes or so and then knelt on the floor and crossed himself and also left. A few men including some of our leaders followed the men out and got their license plate numbers as they left. The priesthood holders kept vigilant watch the rest of our church meetings walking around making sure that they didn't come back. People said they looked defeated as they left as if they did not go through with whatever they planned.
For those of you who are not members of our church I just want to clarify why this was so off putting.
The first thing is that most people that come to our church wear sunday best clothing. It's not a requirement but it is definitely the norm. They also looked very hostile and determined in some way to make a statement.
In our church we do not cross ourselves in our meetings. Not that this is bad but they way they did it was in the style of how some terrorists have made hand gestures or statements just before they blow themselves up. It was very weird. Many people thought to themselves that they might have come in expecting a male pastor and saw lil ole me up there crying about Young Womens and decided against either their demonstration or harming us.
Also usually in a house of worship people try to be quiet and not draw attention to themselves. They clearly wanted everyone to see them as they walked up to the front. (This is all what I heard from those who saw it)
It was really weird and really creepy and almost everyone that saw them said they got an eery and creepy feeling when these men walked in. They were there for a purpose. Whether it was to hurt us or to make some demonstration no one knows. BUT either way they did not succeed in their purpose other than to really freak us out.
I had to write this down because I have such strong feelings about it. I mean I could have been shot, or hurt or threatened and I didn't even see them!! HOW did I NOT see them??? I was looking at the congregation and I have no recollection of the event.
I truly believe that the Lord stepped in for us today. He protected us from whatever these men were trying to do. He protected me. He protected my family. I am not sure but in some sort of way when I think about it I think the Lord used me in a way to say something that disarmed theses men. NOT that I did anything at all. BUT I am humbled by the fact that whatever I was saying really wasn't me at all. The Lord filled my heart and used my mouth to somehow shoo these men away. It is weird for me to say that.
My whole life I have prayed and hoped I could be someone who listens to the holy spirit and lets it work in me and through me. I have told the Lord on numerous occasions that I am willing to do his work and be his vessel if he chooses to use me.
I hope that's what happened today. I only pray the Lord is pleased with me and I fall at his feet for his mercy and divine intervention. I am very overwhelmed today with emotion.
It was the weirdest Sunday EVER.
One that I won't forget soon.
And here I was thinking ti would be just another Sunday.
Today I was assigned to speak in sacrament regarding the young womens program. I was nervous but also confident at what I felt was a pretty simple subject. My family is in town so I was excited to speak in front of them and hopefully make them proud.
The other woman who is the second counselor in the YW presidency went before me and gave an eloquent well written talk. I was worried that my discombobulated notes would lead to a less than desirable talk. I started to speak and felt the spirit of the Lord strongly immediately. I gave my talk and went with what I felt the Lord had wanted me to say. I sat down satisfied that I said something that was genuine and from my heart.
At the end of church I found out that during our earlier meeting there were two men that no one knew who entered the chapel while I was speaking. They were both wearing hoodies and pajamas and walked in and then split up. They then deliberately walked up to the front of the room with staunch and serious looks on their face and sat in the second row on both sides. They did not seem friendly and they did not seem like they were there to worship. One man crossed himself and left quickly. The other man stayed about 5 minutes or so and then knelt on the floor and crossed himself and also left. A few men including some of our leaders followed the men out and got their license plate numbers as they left. The priesthood holders kept vigilant watch the rest of our church meetings walking around making sure that they didn't come back. People said they looked defeated as they left as if they did not go through with whatever they planned.
For those of you who are not members of our church I just want to clarify why this was so off putting.
The first thing is that most people that come to our church wear sunday best clothing. It's not a requirement but it is definitely the norm. They also looked very hostile and determined in some way to make a statement.
In our church we do not cross ourselves in our meetings. Not that this is bad but they way they did it was in the style of how some terrorists have made hand gestures or statements just before they blow themselves up. It was very weird. Many people thought to themselves that they might have come in expecting a male pastor and saw lil ole me up there crying about Young Womens and decided against either their demonstration or harming us.
Also usually in a house of worship people try to be quiet and not draw attention to themselves. They clearly wanted everyone to see them as they walked up to the front. (This is all what I heard from those who saw it)
It was really weird and really creepy and almost everyone that saw them said they got an eery and creepy feeling when these men walked in. They were there for a purpose. Whether it was to hurt us or to make some demonstration no one knows. BUT either way they did not succeed in their purpose other than to really freak us out.
I had to write this down because I have such strong feelings about it. I mean I could have been shot, or hurt or threatened and I didn't even see them!! HOW did I NOT see them??? I was looking at the congregation and I have no recollection of the event.
I truly believe that the Lord stepped in for us today. He protected us from whatever these men were trying to do. He protected me. He protected my family. I am not sure but in some sort of way when I think about it I think the Lord used me in a way to say something that disarmed theses men. NOT that I did anything at all. BUT I am humbled by the fact that whatever I was saying really wasn't me at all. The Lord filled my heart and used my mouth to somehow shoo these men away. It is weird for me to say that.
My whole life I have prayed and hoped I could be someone who listens to the holy spirit and lets it work in me and through me. I have told the Lord on numerous occasions that I am willing to do his work and be his vessel if he chooses to use me.
I hope that's what happened today. I only pray the Lord is pleased with me and I fall at his feet for his mercy and divine intervention. I am very overwhelmed today with emotion.
It was the weirdest Sunday EVER.
One that I won't forget soon.
And here I was thinking ti would be just another Sunday.
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Week 33-38
Week 33- Funky
Week 34- The 5 senses
Week 35-Composed
Week 36- My favorite things
Week 37-Places and Spaces
Week 38-Cozy
Monday, September 17, 2012
Film, Film....I love Film
So I probably haven't mentioned it on here but there is a really nice perk to living here... there is a lab that develops all kinds of film about 20 min from my house!!! I love it;) Anyways I thought I would share some shots I just got back. The ones of Boston are from our first trip there. I think next time I go I will just shoot 120 because I think it would be beautiful!! These ones were shot on 35mm b&w Kodak Tmax 100. I didn't adjust these at all in PS, just got them scanned;) The shots of Kalea were on my Mamiya wich does not have an internal meter. So they are a little off in exposure but sweet just the same;) Enjoy! Yummmyyy Film..... mmmmm
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