Heartbroken (warning I talk about medical things so if you dont like that you might not want to read)

since I have always been an open book, I figure why stop now. some people might think I am to open, but I don't really care. I find healing in talking about things and sharing them with those who care. I cant do it alone. I am a middle child... what do you expect?
so as all of you read in the previous post Tim and I went through our first round of IUI this month. I felt to good about it. My period held off until we came back from Florida. My doc got us in despite some snags. And everything looked really great. I had a follicle on each side after the chlomid. I had a very good uterine lining and hormonally was on track. I felt like wow everything is falling into place. everything felt so right, I finally felt like its my turn, its my turn. finally the Lord will keep his promise. The day of the IUI the doctor told me that this might not work because Tim's count was pretty low they just didn't have as many as they would have liked to give us a good prognosis. I still felt that we could beat the odds, we could beat the statistics. I tried so hard to wait patiently, each day taking my progesterone. I waited till I was 12 days past ovulation. I took a test at night and it was negative, i thought well maybe I will test int he morning just to make sure. well the next morning I tested and it was positive!!! I was sooo excited. so thrilled that it worked. I thought finally my miracle is here, finally my struggle is over, finally I can move on to be a mother which is the deepest desire of my heart.
I couldn't wait to get a blood test to confirm so i could call of you and share the good news. Well this morning I had my blood drawn and a few hours later I got the call.....my nurse said, "sweetie your HCg was only an 8. My stomach sank as I realized what that meant. There is no way that a viable pregnancy could be taking place. My other 2 miscarriages taught me that. I knew that those levels need to be a lot higher than 8.
All day I have been heartbroken. Once a women sees a positive i don't care what anyone says, they feel like they have a baby to look forward to. well I just don't, I get the joy of seeing that positive only to have it ripped from my hands within a few days. I finally felt like I could join all of you, that I could feel what you feel when your little one says, "Mommy, I love you" I finally felt like the Lord had heard my cries and my pleas and my constant prayers. I finally felt like I was whole.
And now I just feel empty, heartbroken, alone, mad, confused, hurt, disappointed, and like I will never see the end.
Please I am begging any of you that read this to not worry about what to say. i really cant hear right now ..."everything will be ok" or "its not god's plan" or "don't worry".
I know that some of you have never felt or experienced this so you are not sure what to say. You are not sure how to act. if you want to know how it feels, just think of the thing you love most in this world, now imagine having it right in front of you but you cant touch it, you cant hold it, you cant even see it. Then imagine taking that and flushing it down the toilet, and that is a tiny taste of how this feels. I appreciate all the people in my life who love me, and I do know I am blessed with much. But despite this knowledge I feel the way I feel now. I don't really want advice or comfort necessarily, I just need to vent and this is where I can do it.

I don't know where to go from here, i don't know what to do. The only other option for us right now is In-vitro, which costs 15,000$. Yep 15 grand. and that is all out of pocket for us. All of it. so that's not looking like a likely alternative.
I feel like I want to leave, to disappear. I am just here, sad and heartbroken. Again.