BUT I guess they will have to do for now.
The past 2 weeks or so have been such a blur. I don't think I can even really comprehend them right now let alone describe them. Everything has been pretty much a whirlwind of crazy events and crazy emotions.
On May 10th 2011 I was admitted to MUSC following an appointment to check the flow problem we had already known about. I was so nervous for my baby and was just hoping and praying the doctors would know the right time to deliver her.
What I didn't expect was that night I would be diagnosed with SEVERE Pre-eclampsia. My blood pressure was sky rocketing and I was showing neurological signs in my reflexes. The next morning the doctors came in and calmly explained to me that I needed to have a C-section and deliver. They really kept their calm because I really did not get the scope of what was happening. I called Tim and my Mom and told them to rush to the hospital because they wanted to deliver soon. They prepped me and Tim arrived right after they did the spinal. It was so fast... it's like he was there and not 5 minutes later at 8:46 AM they said your baby is here! I didn't get to see her because they rushed her off right away. She was born breathing on her own which was amazing and she even tried to cry. I was so overwhelmed and it was so fast I don't remember crying. I just felt very calm and I knew everything would be ok. The Lord really was just holding me and Tim and Kalea. I think he kept us all calm and gave us peace in out hearts.
So on May 11th 2011 at 8:46AM our sweet Kalea Grace Slayton entered the world.
She has done so well. She has always breathed on her own. She did need to receive and in and out treatment of surfactant but that is just because her lungs are so immature. BUT she is so strong, she cries and even screams her little guts out. ;) Its hard to hear her cry but it is also very comforting because I know she is strong enough to do it just like a term baby. I didn't get to see her all day on wednesday because I couldn't even get out of bed. BUT I got to see her for the first time yesterday and I can't get enough of her.
Today I got to hold her for the first time.
......How do I even convey the feelings that I felt when they laid her on my chest? I can't ... it truly is not possible to say in words how it felt. She felt like she was calm when I was holding her. She recognizes my voice and I think she really likes to hear my heart beating.
I love her so much. I would do anything for her. I hate that I know she is probably uncomfortable and I can't do anything about it. I can't wait to for her to not have to have the tubes in her nose for the Cpap. It doesn't look comfortable at all. I wish I could hold her all the time and let her know I am there. I just want her to know how much I love her.
Tim has been so amazing. He is the cutest Dad ever. He talks to her a lot and she responds well to his voice too;) She tried to open her eyes to see him today when he was talking to her but she was so tired. I love to see the way he looks at her. I didn't think I could love my husband more than I already did but I do. I love him so much more and in such a different way. He is my calm steady partner through everything. I never feel alone in anything I do or any challenge I face. He truly is amazing. My Little family is more than I ever dreamed or imagined. I can't wait to bring Kalea home.
I am not sure what to expect over the next few months. BUT I know right now that I am happy calm and I believe in my daughter and her ability to pull through all the challenges she will face. She is my little fighter;) I am also confident and calm in the Lord and I know he continues to watch over all of us. We are so blessed. Blessed beyond measure. Words really cannot ever explain the way that I feel about it all. It has changed me for the rest of my life. I am a different person;) I am a mommy!!!!
7 comments:
keep it up.
kangarooing keep harley alive.
love you.
Stop making me cry dang it! I love you.
You are doing such a great job. That little girl is going to be amazing. The Lord doesn't give more than we can handle and blesses us accordingly. She has so much coming to her. She is amazing! Just like her mom and dad!
You know when you were choosing her name you wanted it to have meaning. You picked the perfect name for your sweet angel. It's awesome that you are are documenting her journey into mortality and her fight to grow and be able able to go home with her family. I understand completely what you mean; that there just is no way to describe your love for your child. And it's true that our capacity to love grows and changes.
I know that through your struggle with infertility you worried that this dream was out of reach at times. I am happy that you are continuing to share your story with those friends and family that are still on the journey to parent hood. Don't give up hope everyone. :)
Add me to the list of crying like a baby peeps. I am so glad to hear that she is doing so well. My thoughts and prayers continue to be with all 3 of you. I know this is not the way you imagined meeting your baby girl, but the Lord has watched over both of you and kept her growing as long as possible in the comfort of your womb, and now she is safe in the hands of NICU nurses, whose jobs are truly that of angels. We love you so much and can't wait to meet that most precious little girl who has been waited for and prayed for for so long. <3
Oh what a precious little angel? Definitely praying that she'll pull through! But yes, being able to scream = VERY good sign :) We had planned to call our little one Grace (well at the least the kiwi version of it) if it had been a girl, so that proves ONE more time that we should be best of friends :) Hope you're recovering well also. Lots of alohas from Hawaii :) and definitely hope to meet the three of you in December :)
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