We're still here.....

I know I give little updates about Baby K every week and for the most part I try to be positive. I try not to include the roller coaster things that happen in this place becasue #1-I don't like to worry all of you who are rooting for us.... and #2- I don't want the hard parts be what I focus on.
BUt this has been quite the roller coaster of events. Kalea really is struggling with eating and it has been so hard. Hour to hour it changes. She has a good feed and then she has a bad feed and so on......
I know some term babies even have feeding issues so I know it's normal but it doesn't make it any less frustrating. One of the saddest things about it and the most disappointing thing for me is that I have made the decision that it is best to hold off from breast feeding for now.  I was sad to quit trying but I just was getting to frustrated and so was she. She was getting so tired because it tis harder for them to breastfeed. I just prayed about it and for now I feel that  it is better for her to just have breast milk through the bottle. She just needs things to be simplified and the least amount of stress as possible.
She gets very gassy and that also complicates things for her. SHe grunts a lot in general but she does it a lot while eating. She bears down and it gets her very uncoordinated. Then just in the past few days she has been really struggling with reflux. For about 3 days she was taking almost all her feedings by mouth and then all of a sudden yesterday she had a few episodes of choking and she just seemed like she was in pain. The doctor suspects she had bad reflux that probably burned her throat and so it was sore and raw. She does seem better today so that is good but it was very scary to see her like that yesterday. The doc put her on Prevacid today and she is having a swallow study done tomorrow. Hopefully we can get it all figured out for her over the next few days and start working on feeding again.

ANyways.... Sorry for the rambling.....
What I really want to say is that although this has been so hard and I have been through the roof happy at moments and then rock bottom the next, I am trying to let go of control and trust that my Father in Heaven is in control and is protecting her. I really want to go home but I know that my God is orchestrating and guiding our lives. He has blessed me with the greatest miracle of my life and I am nothing but grateful to him for answering my prayers. Trusting him and having faith is hard but I am trying my best to endure all this with a good attitude and faith in the plan. It is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life... even harder than infertility and IVF. BUt I know through God anything is possible.