Don't Ignore Infertility

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week. Obviously I have close ties to this;) My blogger friend Kenna asked that we write a blog post on this years theme for the week.

I will start by just saying that I am not one to ignore things but I know a lot of people who are. I know it's a coping mechanism for them but it's just not the way I deal with things. I put my problems on blast because I feel that it helps me navigate them. Being so open isn't always the best way for people to handle things but for me I never regret having such a big mouth about this subject.

I first suspected that I was having problems with infertility about a year after I got married. Before then I never thought in a million years that I would have to face infertility. The first doctor I ever talked to about it told me I was fat and if I didn't lose weight I would never get pregnant. Needless to say I promptly switched doctors.

After my first miscarriage at 6 weeks I thought... "there is no way this will happen again" .... Well 4 miscarriages later (2 which were tubal pregnancies) I was at an impasse.  We were presented with an adoption situation. (This is a whole post in itself that I have already blogged about) In the end it did not work out. We decided to go the path of IVF. Our last option. (Which is also a whole other slew of blog posts) AND here we are getting ready to celebrate our daughters first birthday!!! We are SOOOOO Blessed.  And couldn't ask for more. Or..... could we???


Technically No I guess because I told the Lord that I would never ask him for anything again if he sent me Kalea. He did.... so I won't. BUT I can't ignore that pain in my stomach that I feel when I think of her playing alone, not having a sister to play dress up with, or a little brother to tease.

I feel sad that even though I have my daughter I won't ever have a big family. It's hard to ignore that pain. I feel like because I have Kalea that people look at me and say well "at least you have one" (Which I am so grateful for!) BUT my heart longs to give her a sibling. To complete our family.  I really want people to understand that even though I have my daughter the pain of infertility still stings. It still rips my heart out to realize we will probably NEVER be able to get pregnant on our own or be able to afford another IVF or adoption.

I have so many family and friends that experience the pains of infertility and secondary infertility. It happens more than you might think. I want you all to know that even though my heart aches for my own infertility, MY heart wrenches in pain for your battles. I would take it all away if I could.

Please don't ignore it and shut out the world. Please don't give up. Please don't let it taint your view of God or the world. I know that it seems easier to be angry but it's actually harder. Freedom comes when we can view our fiery trial as a refining process rather than something that is here to destroy us. I know that it is nearly impossible to feel this way while we are in the middle of it. That's why the Lord gave us each other. So we can see while we are blinded by pain and hardship. I read this talk in the Ensign and it helped me so much please read it if you have time.

To those who do not struggle with this directly but have family or friends who do. Don't ignore them. Don't ignore their pain. Don't exclude them from parties or good news because you think it will be to hurtful. Invite them, share with them tactfully and then let them decide if they can handle it.  Don't forget to mention them in church lessons or activities just because they don't have children.  They need to know that they are part of the plan too. One of the best things for me was that my good friend let me love on her lil baby boys when I was struggling with infertility. It healed my heart to snuggle those lil guys. Let your babies heal someone's heart if you can. Also don't talk to them like they know nothing about parenting. Some of the most stable smart people I know are not parents. They can teach your kids awesome things.
I think they should have a "hug an infertile mertile day" but until they do hug each other. Let's fight this beast hand in hand. And please let's not ignore the pain that we all feel when someone is hurting.

I pray every day for those of you suffering from this relentless disease. It's a disease that rips someones heart into a thousand pieces. BUT the pain somehow seems less when we share and help lift each other's burdens. LET"S KICK INFERTILITY IN THE BUTT!!!


I did a photo project in the midst of my pain. It was a great outlet for me. I put together a slide show. I know most of you have seen it before but I will share it again just incase;) It was a healing process for me.




This is a video I put together of My daughter's first few weeks. The first clip is me holding her for the first time. She was born early. Another challenge in itself. BUT I hope it gives you hope.