I won't give up

So the other day Tim was actually home in the morning and he was watching music videos like he always does when he gets the chance;) And he called me in and said have you heard this song???? I was like .. I think so... so he rewound it and played it for me.
This is his way of saying "I was just listening to this song and it reminded me of the way I feel about you" It's so sweet when he does this;) It's so nice. It really reminds me that he loves me as much as I love him and he thinks of me just as much as I think of him. I feel so blessed to be loved by this man.

I am so lucky he chose to not give up.... even when the skies got ruff;)

Oh gosh I love him.

I'm not ever giving up either babe.              Never.      Nope.      Never.

When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
Well there's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use the tools and gifts
We got yeah we got a lot at stake
And in the end,
You're still my friend at least we didn't bend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn, how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I got, and what I'm not
And who I am

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
I'm still looking up

I won't give up on us
God knows I'm tough, he knows
We got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up...

I got the Itis

I am so anxious for Tim to get out of the Navy that I am sick with the Itis...

Ya know that feeling you have when you are at the tail end of something and it is just dragging and you feel like you are going NUTZ!!!!!

Yeah I am feeling like that.

I really am grateful for my experience here in New England but it just isn't home and I know that deep down. I know we won't be staying here and so I just feel so unsettled.

It's really getting to me. I just want to move on to the next step so bad. BUT instead here I sit feeling stuck in a 4 foot mud pit. I can't move and any tiny movement I make takes forever and is exhausting.
I feel like I am ready to attack a few problem areas in my life but I can't do it because it will all get screwed up when we move anyways.

Like my photography. I am so ready to have a stable, legitimate business with a steady flow of clients and work. I want to have a name and logo I am comfortable with and my friend Val to be my partner in crime. I am literally working for free if I do work and it's so depressing.

I also need help from someone or something to help me get healthy. I am so miserable. My self esteem is next to nothing and I am sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. My feet hurt CONSTANTLY, my back hurts CONSTANTLY and I just don't feel like moving. I have NO energy whatsoever.  I know the only way to get energy is to move. So pretty much they cancel each other out.
I fall into these viscous cycles and I just can't seem to get out.

I hate blogging about such negative things all the time. I just don't know really how to overcome all this. I hate waiting around for the next step but that seems like that's all I can do for now.

Week 28-32

Week 28-Time

Week 29-Me

Week 30-Euphoria

Week 31-Wild Card

Week 32-Details

Why Mormons and Gay people should be besties

I have been thinking abou this for quite some time now. I never posted anything because I didn't want to ruffle feathers or start a debate. BUT I think I maybe it could start a good conversation. 

{If any comments are posted that are hateful or argumentative I will delete them promptly} 

Just an FYI;)

I really believe that most human beings have much more in common than they don't.  I have always felt bad for some of the things the gay community have been through.  While I don't religiously support gay marriage or agree with it. I support the civil rights of all people and believe there is nothing wrong with giving gay couples the same rights in this country as everyone else. I also don't believe they should be discriminated against in any way shape or form.
NOT agreeing with a point of view does not equal hate or intolerance. 

I don't expect people to agree with my Mormon beliefs I just want them to respect me and love me anyways, even if they don't agree. I think this is what the majority of the gay community wants. They just want people to respect them for who they are. You don't have to like it, you don't have to agree with it, but just respect that they have every right to live the way they choose. They deserve love just as much as anyone else. I know this because the savior has clearly stated that all his sheep are precious to him. Even those who do not stay with the preverbal flock.

Ok so on to the reason why Mormons and the gay community have more in common than not.

#1 - People protest at LDS General Conference and tell us we are going to Hell
See......

They do the same thing to the Gay community

see.....

#2 Mormons are the victims of slurs and discrimination
just ask this guy.....

He hates us..... just ask him

The Gay community has also been the victims of mean cruel and unfair words when describing them
See...

#3 Mormons have been hurt and even killed because of their beliefs. Ever heard of guy named Joseph Smith? Yea he was murdered along with his many others because they were Mormons

The gay community has also been the target of violence and murder just because of their sexual orientation :( 

#4 Mormons are accused of being not Christian

so are gays....

#5 Gays have good looking men who dress nice and travel in pairs...

So do we!!!

LOL I had to add that one;) Hee hee

#6 Mormons are discriminated against in politics

So are homosexuals... :(

(couldn't actually find a photo for this but we all know it happens)

Anyways I found a great little graph on the subject

I think in general the gay community feels misunderstood and judged also.
I am not gay I am a Mormon so I can't truly speak for them but this is what I gather from dear friends and some family members who are gay.

If you don't think Mormons are discriminated against in this country.. think again. Tell me any other religion in this country that has a offensive and irreverent play about them on Broadway. The play is widely accepted and it's completely ok to laugh at us and make fun of us. BUT heaven forbid this play was about evangelicals. Holy cow there would be hell to pay. But it's ok they are just Mormons, they deserve it for being a crazy bunch of cult members right?


Anyways I think that most people believe that all religious people hate gays, especially Mormons. This couldn't possibly be farther from the truth. Here is an example of that 

I think if we spent more time focusing on the things we love about each other and the things that we have in common then maybe there wouldn't be so much room for hatred and intolerance on both sides. 

Isn't that what satan wants? Dissension? Confusion? Intolerance? Contention? 

I for one will not let him win.
It is true I don't agree religiously with gay marriage. BUT I love all my bothers and sisters no matter their sexual orientation and no matter their beliefs. They deserve every civil right that any straight person has.

I am not asking people to agree with Mormonism. I am not asking people to agree with gay marriage.
I am simply asking for understanding and love EVEN when we don't agree.


So whata ya say? Let's be besties ;)

Deal?

Deal.

One year ago today...

.....we finally brought Kalea home from the hospital. It's a trip. To say I remember this day like it was yesterday wouldn't be accurate. Although the memory of this day was wonderful and amazing and vivid I have to admit it was a little bit of a blur.

I remember being so excited and soooo ready to leave that hospital and NEVER go back. I was also terrified that i couldn't care for her the way all the nurses and doctors had. I was so scared that something would happen and she would stop breathing or that she wouldn't thrive and have to be re-hospitalized.  I was kind of robbed of the normal experience of bringing a newborn home. By the time Kalea came home she was 2 months old and she only weighed 6 lbs. There was some post traumatic stress I was still dealing with. To be honest it still creeps up every now and then.

BUT this day was the day I had been dreaming about and waiting for, for so long!! We are so blessed by her presence in our lives. And even though I completely doubted my skills as a mother I finally figured it out with the help of my husband and my parents. ;)

The last year has been nothing but amazing. Tim and I decided we are going to celebrate Kalea's "Un-Birthday" every year. We are going to do something fun to celebrate this day;)
Today he is at work but tomorrow we are going to the drive in movie theatre as a family;) The 20th was her original due date anyways;)

What a difference a year can make!!!

If right now you are in the midst of something that just seems so overwhelming I beg of you, to hold on. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. No matter how dark and scary it might be.
It is ALWAYS darkest before the dawn. Hang in there. The Lord can perform miracles in a split second. Imagine what he can do in a year?!!?

LOOK what he did for us in just one year!

So grateful for my Bright Kalea Grace... so very very very grateful. My how far she has come <3

Week 26 and 27

 Week 26:Friendship

I am so lucky to have many friends across the world. They have all made an impact on my life wether big or small and I would love to have endless amounts of money to visit them all at least once a year;)

Week 27:Addiction

You guessed it! I am addicted to photography, especially yummy medium format film. If it wasn't so dang expensive I would shoot it all the time. Word to that.

Week 24 and 25

Week 24 {Texture}

Week 25 {Fatherhood}