Its always good to start with good :} So here I go.
I am stoked because in exactly 48 days from now I will be sitting my butt on a cruise ship headed towards the Caribbean with my Sweetheart, My sister, and my loco in the cabasa Brotha in law!
I really need this. Let me just say that again... I REALLY NEED THIS.We got a few extra bucks back on our tax return and got a sweet military rate to go, so after last year I said screw it! I need to get our of here!!! This couldn't come at a better time because right around that time is when we would have been bringing baby home. BOTH my babies actually. The baby I lost when I miscarried and the baby I lost when the adoption fell through.
Needless to say I really don't want to be sitting around thinking of all of that in April. So we are going, going, going, gone.
I also have to say that I am stoked that the sun has been out the past few days. SUN, I missed you like crazy mad. I need you SUN please don't go away!!! I can literally feel spring upon us because since moving to the south I have developed nasty allergies!!! BUT that's OK with me as long as the sun is shining!
THE BAD.
Sorry I have to include this here. For probably the past 3 months I have been in a deep depression. WHY? you might ask? NOT sure really. Just a whole crap ton of things. The weight
of all I went through last year finally hit me, and hit me hard. I think I didn't wake up before noon for at least a few weeks straight for a while. I lost all my motivation to do anything. I didn't want to see anyone or go anywhere. It was pretty terrible. To be completely honest I haven't felt like that in years... um years.
of all I went through last year finally hit me, and hit me hard. I think I didn't wake up before noon for at least a few weeks straight for a while. I lost all my motivation to do anything. I didn't want to see anyone or go anywhere. It was pretty terrible. To be completely honest I haven't felt like that in years... um years.I am also terrified again of trying to get pregnant. I mean it actually seems easy compared to adoption now but I still have fears of yet another miscarriage. I don't know if I can do 4 of those. BUT I have to try. I have to. At least if my baby is taken away again I know that its because the Lord is in control, and not some crazy lady with a personal motive trying to ruin my life. UGG stiknin counselor. UGGG.... cant go there.
Anyways Fear is bad, somehow I need to get rid of that. Its a B.
The Fatty.
Well even though I have been spinning here and there, I pretty much gave the bird to watching what I eat. I know .... I know.... stupid. BUT that is the big reason why I have always struggled with my weight. Its like I am depressed because I am fat so I sit on my butt and I eat my feelings in chocolate. So I get fatty fat fatter.... blah.... its a vicious cycle. I really need to get this under wraps before summer... I don't want those people to loose their lunch over my roles in the Caribbean. Seriously. Why cant I be 19 again?Anyways there is my emotional puke for today. Sorry I have been MIA. Wasn't sure if I should puke here, or puke up the BBQ I ate last weekend. I probably would weigh less if I did the latter. BUT it was soooooo good!!! Thanks for readin;) I hope I made you feel better about your life;)
6 comments:
You totally deserve a nice sunny vacay Girl! You and Tim and Kelly all need it! I'm sure Kelly's hubbs needs it too, but I can say without a doubt that you are all going to have the time of your lives! Someday I will be able to join you all and we can PARTAY! 48 days and counting. WOOOHOOOOOOO!
Okay... The good... OH SO GOOD! I am so happy for you that you are gonna get to go on this cruise. I think it's so perfect that Kelly and Will are going with you guys. If only the mean people in Kelly's life knew how much it meant to you that she is there with you to support you during that time when you would have been bringing home babies. UGH... I can't go there or I will throw something,
The BAD.... okay Chick... so when I call you, and tell you I have an urgent prompting to call you, and you say, "NO... I'm FINE, thanks for thinking of me though, everything is good, I'm awesome..." And then you post that you have been in a deep depression for months..... ummm HELLO! If you were here I would throw something at YOU! Knock some sense into you girl. I am here..for.. you.. muah!
The Fatty.. I could have said the exact same words. Depressed about being fat, so I.... (wait for it)... EAT! AWESOME! I wish I could be as fat as I thought I was when I was 21.
Shannon I think you're great. I'm SOOO Excited that you guys are getting away for a while, and a CRUISE is awesome!!! :)
DO me a favor and have Tim call my husband and tell him how DIFFERENT a cruise is from being underway :) We want to do something special when he gets back from deployment, and it's between Disney and a Cruise at the moment...lol and he doesn't want to do a cruise because he thinks that's WAY to much time on the water for him :)
As always thinking of you and your family. I am always here if you need to talk to someone. So jealous about the vacation. I hope you have tons of fun.
If anyone deserves a vacation in the sun...its you!!! I can't start to know what you went through last year. But I know that you are one of the strongest people I know. You are an amazing person and you inspire me all the time. Love ya and I too am only a phone call away if you need me. :)
We pretty much are the same person ...
"Its like I am depressed because I am fat so I sit on my butt and I eat my feelings in chocolate. So I get fatty fat fatter...."
I did this last night, while watching the reunion show for "Real Housewives of Orange County."
That show makes me feel bad about myself. Especially this housewife Alexis. She's perfect. And I hate/love her.
One episode she was talking about how important exercise is and she was at spin class. I was watching the episode and looked down at the Cadbury eggs I was eating, and frowned. LOL
Oh well, so we like to eat! What's wrong with that? Shall I start the list or do you want to?
Cheers from Cali to my new internet friend!
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